This blog contains daft and obscure words, poetry, scribblings and/or images of ideas and other abstracts that occasionally fall out of my open mind.
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Saturday, April 15, 2017

Something For Nothing

Life has become mundane. Mostly predictable. Sleep, work, eat, drink, smoke, repeat. Ho-fucking-hum. The only question becomes what caliber exit to use. .32, 9mm or .45.

There's no satisfaction in anything except the comfort of that first sip of the sweet taste of the corn liquor and the enjoyment of the taste of a good cigar. Then slipping into unconsciousness for the night and wait for the cycle to repeat.

Actually, I enjoy the mundane. I lived out my life in my younger years. I enjoyed the pharmaceuticals of the day. And the drink. Now I don't care to leave the house other than the necessity of stocking provisions and libations. I believe I'd do quite well as a recluse. As long as I have music and visual entertainment, food, drink and cigars, I think I'd do quite well alone.

As it is, rarely does anyone initiate contact with me for socialization. Seems I've always been the one to initiate and without reciprocation it's always felt the other party must just be tolerating my existence. So, fuck 'em. I thought lifelong friend was actually a thing but, apparently not.

I reached the point of not giving a fuck about things that don't affect me personally. I've become apathetic and cynical. Okay, maybe I've always been cynical. At the very least I've always been rebellious toward authority and anyone trying to give me unwanted advice or direction.

I've never been arrogant, though. Actually quite humble and self-deprecating. I know my limitations and don't acquiesce well when someone requests I perform outside my comfort zone.

I desire approval but, become embarrassed by public praise. I've always enjoyed helping people whether in times of trouble or simply performing a task I'm capable of but, do it for my own satisfaction of self not the open praise that may result. 

I'm not sure how I've survived in a world I rarely understand.

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